November 10, 2008
I had a complete hysterectomy in 2000 because my pap tests were coming back as abnormal for the past few years, ( I was diagnosed with hpv in 1999) so my gynecologist recommended a hysterectomy as a means to prevent cervical cancer. I’ve had other surgeries in my life but this one was the worst of all of them. The pain afterwards was excruciating and it took me a full 6 weeks to recover from it. Since then, I have not had another pap test.
Back in April or May of this year I discovered a lump, so maybe surgery doesn’t prevent cancer. Since I don’t have any of my reproductive organs, the lump is in the wall of my vagina. I did some research on this type of cancer and found it to be quite disturbing. Women who’ve had this cancer have real horror stories to tell about it. It’s quite scary.
I’ve been dealing with other health issues also. Last February (2007) I had 2 stents put in my coronary arteries. In 2005 I had kidney stones and had to have an emergency stent put in between my kidney and bladder and then have the stones removed. After that I had a parathyroidectomy because one of my parathyroid glands was malfunctioning and causing excess calcium to build up in my kidney. It just seems I’ve had one problem after another since I turned 50 years old. I suffered with chronic major depression, migraines, obesity, fatigue, severe osteoarthritis in my hips, knees, ankles, wrists and fingers, deterioration of my vision, hair loss so bad I had bald spots on my head, pancreatitus, sinus infections, and more. I had been having pain in both of my feet, that ultimately became a very painful and debilitating condition called peripheral neuropathy (nerve damage). Because of all of these afflictions my life was one of misery and isolation. I pulled away from my husband, my family, and friends. My husband and I haven’t slept together in at least 5 years, and we have seperate bedrooms. We live in a rented house that is literally falling apart, both inside and out. He’s kind of a slob and I finally got tired of cleaning up after him and just quit doing housework. Not just because of him, but because I was to the point of total exhaustion. I couldn’t stay on my feet for more than 15 minutes at a time without having to stop and rest for half an hour. It got to the point that I completely stopped cleaning the house, and just cleaned up after myself. And sometimes I can’t even keep up with that.
I didn’t tell my husband about the lump but I did keep sort of a journal about it. Since I recovered from the heart surgery, and after losing 85 pounds, many of my health problems went away. My depression lifted, the migraines that plagued me for 2 decades went away, I weaned myself off all of my medications, my blood pressure went back down to normal, my cholesterol went from 260 to 188, my blood sugar went from 112 to 87, my energy level went up, but my feet got worse so I’m still limited to what I can do because of the excruciating pain. My husband has been very understanding and patient with me but has been wanting to reinstate our intimate life. I’ve just been putting him off, telling him that I’m in too much pain to even think about it. But he’s been relentless and I finally had to tell him about the lump. I didn’t want to tell him until I was totally incapacitated by it. I don’t want to go and have it biopsied and have surgery to remove it because it will be the worst thing I’ve ever had to do. I’ve read blogs from women who’ve had this type of cancer, and have gone through the surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, etc. and they’ve all told horror stories about it. I have had enough pain and misery in my lifetime and I’m not going to go through more of it. When the time comes that I’m unable to function , I’ll get medical help for it. I may have to use my own means of dealing with it until then. I have plenty of vicodin for the foot pain, so if it’s a matter of treating pain for it, I’ll be able to do that without medical intervention. Meanwhile, I’ve asked him to respect my wishes that no one is to know about this except him and me. I just spent the last year watching my 40 year old son-in-law wither away and die from colon and liver cancer. He had the chemo, surgery, and then he was given the death sentence because “there’s nothing more we can do” said the doctors. He spent the last 6 months of his life being sick as a dog, weak and helpless, so death to him was a blessing. There is no “cure” for cancer and there never will be because there’s too much money to be made by “treating” it.
If anyone reads this who has had a gynecological cancer, I’d like to hear from you. Thanks for reading my rant.
Tags: cancer, cancer treatments, gynecology, health, women's cancers
